October 13, 2006
I thought things were going really well with my new-found relationship with a pair of Atomic Classic skis. But, then I had to put them into a bag in the basement. I got distracted with the sun on park point beach and my bicycle – but now that it’s cold again, I’d really like to see if my skis still have any feelings for me. Is it wrong for my heart to be pulled so many ways? How am I going to explain those months of darkness to my old love?
You seem to be confusing romance and sporting equipment. Typically society would like you to partner up and remain monogamous…with humans. But with your sporting equipment? No way!
It’s not wrong to be pulled in so many ways by your hobbies. It’s your nature, dudes and dudettes, why deny it? You’ve got needs. Don’t be a Victorian locked into a stuffy boring old relationship with one bicycle or with one type of skiing. It’s not natural, people. We’re biologically wired to leave our DNA on all types of sports gear. Get crazy. Sow your wild oats.
(Frankly, I’m afraid of commitment. Staying in one sport might mean I have to get good at it. I mean, think about it. When someone starts to ask me why my Grandma’s time sucked, I can say, well, I was skiing up into my running season. And when my Birkie time sucked, I can say it was because I was running. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.)
So, anyway, explain to your skis that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Offer that if those skis really loved you, they’d set you free. When you return, that means you really love them. As for the darkness, try this line: "All that shade and storage wax is good for your complexion, honey!" You can skip the part about Park Point and sunshine. It’ll only make YOU feel better to tell them. Better to keep that away from your skis. Swallow your guilt. Live your secret, seasonal life. Guilt’s for squares, folks. No squares in DXC.
In short, we’ve got four seasons. Practice free love with your gear and outdoor hobbies, Perplexed. If you want monogamy, move to Florida and ride that triathlon bike in the same position for the rest of your life…